OhKayCee

Closing the Teach For America Blogging Gap
Jul 03 2013

Missing home and things like that.

When I left to come to Institute, I knew a lot of things would happen. I knew (despite my greatest fears) that I would make friends. I knew (despite my greatest fears) that I would reach my summer school kids. I knew (because of my greatest fears) that I would find a place in Tulsa that felt like mine.

When I left to come to Institute, I knew those things. But there are other things that I didn’t know.

I didn’t know, for example, that I wouldn’t hear the sound of cicadas here, that I wouldn’t have a front porch to spend sunrises on and that chicory coffee wasn’t on the menu. I didn’t know that missing home can feel like a punch to the heart and that I would struggle with that word so often.

Home. Four letters. I have spent the past month trying to convince myself that Tulsa is home, that is worthy of that title. There are things that mean home to me that I can’t find here yet. There is a feeling that I need to lock it in to place.

I miss my cat and my best friend and Martinez tacos and my god, I miss cicadas and porches and Louisiana sunshine and feeling like an integral part of something. I miss comfort and I miss the undeniable feeling that I was, that I belonged, that I was needed.

It’ll fade, you know and I know. It’ll fade, this aching feeling, this way I’ve convinced myself that something is missing. It will all fade and this will feel right.

But that’s not happening tonight.

About this Blog

Just another weblog

Region
Oklahoma
Grade
Elementary School

Subscribe to this blog (feed)


Archives

Categories